Monday, October 2, 2017

Exhaling Negativity, Inhaling Gratitude

It's currently 12:47am on October 1st (my birthday month!!!) and I'm a half bottle of champagne deep… (I won the delicious bottle from selling wine at work, being a server has it's perks! I love my job) Anyways, it's been a minute since I've blogged and boy have I missed it! Yesterday (or today, as I see it… since I haven't gone to bed yet) was a big day. I shared a personal instagram post to my @Organicall_You instagram and decided to share it on my personal Facebook. Mind you, I took a good ten minutes debating on whether to share it there. After a finally did, I then contemplated deleting this post. My thoughts are racing, this is so personal! Really… Facebook? Telling everyone? But I felt a weight lifted off my chest. It felt good to post it, so why not?! Why not talk about it?

Miscarriage is hard. It is estimated that 15% of pregnancies result in miscarriage and who knows how accurate those numbers really are! Everyone takes it different but no doubt I took it incredibly hard and that's okay because I know that baby was loved from the very start. I feel nothing but gratitude at the moment, I have more faith in God than ever and I know that I am blessed in so many different ways. One day I will be blessed with a baby and I have no doubt that this experience will make that pregnancy an incredibly beautiful time. 

I am grateful to not have had what they originally thought, an ectopic pregnancy. Before I was wheeled into the operating room I was told I was bleeding internally and they might have to take out a fallopian tube. 
I am grateful that was not the case and they found a 7mm cyst instead, that was non cancerous and they could drain without having to cut me completely open. I am grateful for this. It was a bit scary waking up not knowing if it was done with little incisions or if they had to cut me wide open. I am grateful for my tiny, cute scars that will forever remind me of this hard and beautiful time of my life.

I am grateful for my amazing husband. Amazing being an understatement. I am grateful for him taking care of me during those tender days. I am grateful for his ongoing concern for my welling and happiness. I am grateful for his LOVE above all! I am grateful for him always being a shoulder to cry on. I am grateful that I am blessed to spend this life with him. I am grateful that one day I will have children with him. I am grateful for what an amazing father he will be. I am grateful for him.

Everything we go through is a lesson. A blessing. This pregnancy was a blessing. I would have never known that I had such a large cyst until it was a much bigger problem. I had absolutely no pain which is very uncommon for such a large cyst! What a blessing this pregnancy was, it might have saved my life. 

There are so many things to be grateful for. I am grateful to live in a world where I even have access to the internet. How is there such a wide gap between me and the third world countries? I am grateful to be born in America.

This experience has taught me to look at the positives, to not stress at all. Does it really matter how much money we have in our savings account when we do start a family? Not one bit. Money will come, money will go. All that matters is that you have faith, gratitude and continue to work hard. All else will follow and fall right into place. It's beautiful really, when you exhale the negativity and exhale gratitude you feel lighter. You can let go of what's holding you back. 
It has taught me to live in the moment. Who really cares about tomorrow when today isn't promised at all? 

I feel so empowered and fearless now that I have shared what makes me so vunerable. If you are still reading this, kudos to you and thanks for caring so much.

I invite you to exhale the negativity and to inhale gratitude today as tomorrow is never promised and we need to be thankful today. I invite you to share something that you've been holding on too. Something that makes you feel uncomfortable… I promise it will make you feel better to talk about it. Writing is therapeutic and I am so thankful for that. 

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